fraddit

I've recently been feeling a strong urge to put all my inner feelings and thoughts into words in the form of a journal. I considered for a while, doing an actual, physical paper version, but there's something oddly comforting about the fact that other people in the world can read what you're saying. Though I know posting here, there's probably only one other person who will read this.

Hello, by the way, if you're reading this. I should have said it all along, but I've missed you deeply, and I was so happy when we started talking again. I know I don't show it very well, and I'm not very good at keeping up with it always, and for that I'm sorry. I intend to try and improve in that area.

Also, I'm sorry about that song. I didn't realize.

Which brings me to something else. My life has changed so drastically in the last year. I don't think anyone, especially me, could have predicted the last year's events, and I think for that reason especially, I was very ill-prepared for dealing with it all.

Becoming so close to the new person in my life distanced me, a little or a lot, from most of the other people who are important to me.

This is something I very much want to fix. I'm trying to start that now, but the busy-ness of life makes that difficult, I've found. I know that's no excuse, and I'm trying not to let it be, but sometimes you're just too tired or preoccupied to remember or deal with certain things.

The other problem is, I think, that with how drastically I've changed over the past year, my friends don't know how to act or react or whatever to me anymore. Maybe I'm just imagining things, but it makes sense to me. I'm still Devin though... really.

I don't watch tv anymore. Well, we've been watching Eureka (love!) and I still watch RvB and Supernatural (unless the new season epicfails) There are some other shows I'd like to someday catch up on, but for the most part, my once defining interest is dead.

Replace by my two interests that annoy everyone. My boyfriend and my new lifestyle.

I say lifestyle and not diet because that's what it is. I know that I will live this way for the rest of my life.

I'm pretty sure most everyone thinks Adam is the only reason for the new habits, like he brainwashed me or something. And I'm also pretty sure that several people think it's not necessarily a good change.

This offends me. For one, I haven't 'lost too much weight'. I weigh the same I did when high school ended. I haven't gotten any taller. So how can this possibly be bad? Nobody thought I was underweight then. Plus the Wii doesn't think I'm underweight either. Of course it uses the bmi, so I really shouldn't be using that as an example because the bmi is retarded.

For two, (great writing here folks) it's not just because of Adam. Granted I think it would have taken longer, possibly several years longer, but I truly believe I would have ended up here eventually all on my own. We helped each other to this new healthier place. He admitted he probably wouldn't be here this quickly on his own either.

Plus I was the one who came up with the idea in the first place. I thought of it months ago driving to my mom's. Back in November or December or something. Granted it was inspired by Adam's talk of proper pet nutrition and how we should feed them what they're supposed to eat. What they eat in the wild.

That's one thing that's always annoyed me about vegans and vegetarians. They ignore man as an animal. I was thinking, what would man the animal in the wild eat? And it occurred to me all on my own, no grains. Only meat, veggies, and fruit.

Adam thought I'd never be able to make the switch. It's fairly common knowledge that I have an unrivaled sweet tooth and love pasta (particularly covered in cheese) way too much.

But then there was Good Calories Bad Calories. It hurts me that I can't get anyone I care about to read it. I understand why they won't. In my usual obsessive zeal that occurs with any new interest, I'd become what I think came off as preachy and pushy and quite annoying.

I've tried to real that in. I really have. I don't know if anyone's noticed.

But I really do think everyone in the world should read this book. We were talking in the car the other day about our new outlook on obese people we see walking around. We used to look at them and be at least semi-disgusted. Think things like, "Jeeze, just stop eating so much and maybe you wouldn't be such a porker." But now when we see them we just think, "Poor soul has no idea."

And I think it now with so many other afflictions too. Jenny made the switch and her ibs and all her mild food allergies disappeared. Adam switched and his horrible seasonal allergies vanished. They come back with a vengeance whenever he cheats. I don't have to put anything on my face now.

It's gotten to the point where now if I hear somebody complaining about some bodily problem, any bodily problem, I want to lean over and say, "Have you considered cutting out grains?" I know how utterly crazy it seems and sounds to suggest that most of the ailments of us humans all stem from eating grains. I am aware of that. But the more I compare the human animal to all the other animals, all I can think is our big brain really makes us stupid sometimes. All the other animals in the world don't have problems with pooping or obesity or acne or hemorrhoids or allergies or whatever the fuck else and all our problems are only getting worse!

Just yesterday, my oldest friend said she had to switch to 2% milk instead of whole because the doctor said her cholesterol is too high. I just want to help her and I can't think of a way to talk to her without offending her or making her feel preached at. I just want to say, "Here is a very informative book that I think will help you." But so far, that hasn't been very successful with anyone else. They just think I'm a pushy bitch or something. My heart's in the right place people! I promise!

Sometimes I just feel so stuck. I think this helped though. I guess I'll stop here, after that long long rant. Maybe I'll keep this up this time?

And sorry ahead of time if this rant feels preachy or bitchy or something. Sometimes I worry that everyone hates me now. Jenny said that's stupid to think. I love Jenny.

Hopefully any subsequent entries will be more streamlined and well thought out, but this really was intended as a purge, so its crappy unorganizedness gets to stay.